Mayhem on the Mway or How to drive like you have a small penis

The trip home from work today wouldn't have been complete without the usual assortment of stupid drivers. The ones I find most interesting are the ones take huge risks just to advance one car length. But they don't see it that way. They are too involved in their own plight to care.

This one guy today in a white truck was changing lanes madly and riding up the ass of anyone who didn't clear a path for him. He passed me a few times. Not just once, but several times. I mention this because I want to point out that no matter what gains he made in one lane, he'd loose as soon as the law of averages took hold and his chosen lane would slow to a crawl.

I watched him curse and wave his hands. I watched him change lanes abruptly in between cars leaving only a foot or two in front and behind him. In his world, his driving was skillful and evidence of his right to be the first one home.

Just what did this asshole think? Even in my car I could see the traffic was extremely heavy and slow for miles and miles ahead. Surely up in the cab of his truck he could see the same thing. Did he think that if he could just get by the next person the roads would suddenly clear and he'd be able to open 'er up? The idiot was just in a hurry to cut one person off so he could rush into his next obstacle.

At one point, I was changing lanes myself (only to make room for merging traffic) and this fuckwad in the white truck decided to do one of his jerky lane changes (sans shoulder check) and almost hit me. And instead of going back into his lane he decides to straddle the lane and try to force me back into mine. At least I had a signal on and I started my lane change long before him. So I leaned on the horn until he gave up. As I passed him (for like, the 4th time) I flipped him one and mouthed "Fucking Asshole."

I do look mean when I'm mad and I felt kinda butch doing it. It felt good. I said it nice and slow so I knew he'd be able to tell what I was saying. F-u-c-k-i-n-g A-s-s-h-o-l-e. Little did he know he'd been scorned by a homo.

I don't know if it was me or the fact he scared himself when he realized someone was in his blindspot (most likely the latter). But I watched him in my rearview mirror for the next few minutes until I had to exit and he didn't make one more lane change.

To cope with my soaring adrenaline I had to take a break. So off I went to Starbucks for a Venti Tazo Chai tea latte with soy to unwind. Soy milk is about all my stomach will handle today and the warm beverage soothed my nerves.