Three times a Lady?

D called me today and asked me to pick him up in Toronto after I was done work. I was busy at work today and I missed my lunch so by the time I picked him up I was famished. We were close to Church Street and decided to have dinner at Zelda's. We hadn't eaten there since Pride 2003 and I was craving their Pad Thai for some reason.

We sat on the patio and 3 of the ugliest cross-dressers were seated at the table next to us. As men they would not be ugly but as women they were completely unconvincing. These weren't drag queens. They didn't perform. Just a group of like-minded guys who seemed comfortable wearing foundation, wigs and heels in a way I don't understand.

They weren't alone. I started to look around and saw another gent who looked to be in his sixties with a blonde wig and hoop ear rings sitting alone at a table watching the crowd. Another one was milling about from table to table greeting all his (her, whatever) fabulous friends. And finally, one more came in and was seated near us. Wouldn't you know, she was friends with one of the ugly sisters (I think it was Ann) and introductions were in order.

"Oh, Hi Donna. Donna, I'd like you to meet Christie. Christie, this is Donna. Donna, this is Simone. Simone, meet my friend Donna."

Fuck.

Ann attempted to appear polished and proper. But despite her best efforts, I wasn't convinced these were their real names. Maybe it was the way she paused for a half second before each introduction. Almost like she had to remind herself what alias everyone was using before she spoke. These men were wasting more than perfectly good cosmetics and plus-size fashions. They were wasting their mental energy.

I've never wanted to cross dress. I just don't understand putting all that energy into trying to be something you are not. Especially when no one is fooled. After years of pretending I was straight, I can't pretend anymore. There is a sense of relief I get when I don't have to pretend anything to anyone. I don't see what pleasure anyone would get by voluntarily putting on another facade.

There's lots I don't know. Maybe all of these men are pre-op trannies who will one day be Ann, Christie, Donna and Simone for real. If they are, someone should tell them to find a better plastic surgeon.