I haven't been bitching here much recently. I was torn trying to decide if putting my rants etc. into written word was really venting and had some value, or if it was reinforcing negative feelings and patterns. I can say with certainty that both are true. Sometimes it's good (or at least it feels good) to write shit down as you work things out. And sometimes it's a waste of time because, in the end, nothing changes until you change it.

But I do miss the complaining. I also miss writing some random observations as they occur to me. Flatlinegirl's Le Chateau bag in a tree reminded me that there's a lot of things to complain about that don't necessarily distract you from having a healthy perspective.

I'm also feeling a bit less like I need to complain. I think I'm over the worst of my steroid-induced mood swings. My doses are getting lower and I'm feeling a bit more normal. I went shopping yesterday and noticed I didn't want to shove confused seniors out of my way as they shuffled up the aisles.

Recently, my doctor changed my diagnosis from colitis to Crohn's disease which is supposedly not a good thing. The good news (if you can call it good) about colitis is that it could be "cured" with surgical removal of your colon.(?) That would be good news if you were bleeding to death but most people I know wouldn't consider that a miracle of modern medicine. Crohn's disease has no such "cure." So I guess it fills the future with a bit more uncertainty but since there is little I can do about it I'll just take things day by day.

In the meanwhile, I'm taking Imuran now. It's an anti-rejection drug that's normally used for transplant patients but it helps with Crohn's too. It takes a long time to work. I've been on it for a month now and getting weekly blood tests and so far I'm tolerating the drug OK. It doesn't seem to be helping yet but it can take months to have an effect. I'm hoping it starts to work by the time I stop taking prednisone so I can get off it and stay off it. I'd like to be not-bitchy and not-sick when summer gets here.

The only thing I'll miss about prednisone is the hair growth. I swear that some thin spots on my beard have started to fill in and my chest hair is a bit more dense. Having the thing for body hair that I do, I'll miss it if I loose it.