Queers: The New Breeders

I've made contact with a lesbian couple in Toronto who want to start a family. At this point I'm not overly optimistic that we will form a relationship that will produce children. But as I see it, the least I can come away with is experience "negotiating" (for lack of a better word) my position in such a relationship and experience on how to balance the needs of 3 or 4 people who want to be parents together.

I participated in a workshop last year for gay men who wanted to be parents. We discussed everything from co-parenting to adoption to surrogacy. It's so easy for straight men to become fathers. Too easy. If straight men had to put as much effort into becoming parents as gay men, more kids would have good fathers.

The lesbians, Sarah and Regan, want 2 to 4 kids (yikes). If money were no object, I'd say that's great but realistically I'd be hard pressed to provide financially for more than two (unless I make a brilliant career move). They also would prefer a man, or couple, living in Toronto and who would take care of 50% of the child rearing. Living so far away makes the 50/50 split hard and moving to Toronto would be even more of a strain on finances than a third kid.

So even though we all like the idea of co-parenting it looks like we may not be a perfect match. I've curbed my enthusiasm accordingly.