Fuck

I thought I'd bottomed out with the colitis and had started the road to recovery with my new course of steroids. I'm not feeling too bad actually and I'm getting better sleep. But my doctor called this morning with some blood test results and now I learn that I have anemia too.

Fuck fuck fuck.

I thought it was just low blood iron and it could be easily remedied (which is probably true in my case). But now I find out it can be a serious problem. I'm a bit upset that I've probably had this for a couple of months but it took so long to see my doctor. I know what to look for now and it probably won't advance as far again but it's still upsetting. No fucking wonder I haven't felt like doing shit.

And of course, my most prominent symptom today was blood loss. I can't start taking iron until after my test Thursday. So now that I'm aware I have a problem, I have to watch it get worse and I can't do anything about it for a couple of days. And I'm very aware of my rapid heart beat the whole time.

Fuck.

Random thoughts

Apparently some "stranger" approached D in the mall and told him to read my blog. I doubt I have that many readers so I have my suspicions about the story. I was annoyed at first and then felt bad about what I wrote. Then, I realized I hadn't written anything that D and I hadn't talked about or fought about. So even though he probably didn't like to see it in print, it couldn't have been a shock. We're working on communication skills right now which we needed to do anyway. So everything seems ok right now.

I think Madonna looks stupid trying to keep up and krump like the blacks and latinos in her video. Does anyone believe that people like that would actually krump to baroque synthesizer music?





Knit it, and they will cum. I found a link to this on fleshbot. I don't know what's more amusing, the juxtaposition of kink and comfort or the picture of an entrepreneurial German grandmother knitting her way into a new market niche.







I think the saying "You can't take it with you" is stupid. People use it when referring to money and death. But you can't fucking take anything with you can you?

I'm on heavy doses of prednisone again. I'm glad for the relief it's bringing but I've only been on it one day and my sleep patterns are already fucked. I'll be good and bitchy by Sunday and I dread the challenge of trying to communicate better with D while suppressing the urge to throw furniture.

I'm booked for another colonoscopy Thursday next week. Yay. A day of hunger followed by a morning on the toilet (pissing out of my ass) followed by a camera stuck so far up my ass I can see my nose hairs (you get to watch it live on TV!). Not to mention my colon being inflated like an inner tube. Thank god my doctor is generous with the valium.

I'm learning about agricultural lending at work. Today I learned how to properly collateralize a cow.

I like cows.

I think I want some brown shoes.