D is such a cunt

The jerk who took my parking spot never got a ticket. Parking infractions are low priority so 3 hours after I called in my complaint there was still no ticket on the guys windshield. I did notice that there was already a ticket in his front seat so I'm content in the knowledge that someone burned him.

The bone head just happened to walk out of the building at the same time D and I were going out for a couple of pints. I asked if it was his car and then told him he couldn't park there. He asked why not, I told him I own it, and the next time I saw him there he'll get a ticket or get towed. D wanted to make a fight of it and said "what's wrong with you are you stupid?", "Christ, can't you read?", "Do you know we could have you towed?", etc, etc. I just walked away from him.

I had bought some nice stuff for dinner and a bottle of wine. D wasn't hungry which was a disappointment so instead of suggesting desert I suggested going out for a couple of drinks. Then while we were out drinking I mentioned that there was some ice cream in the freezer and we could have some tomorrow. At which point he started to complain that I bought the expensive ice cream and that I always shop at the same store.

Um, I only had time to stop at one store because he borrowed my car for much of the afternoon (and didn't buy anything for dinner). Um, yes, I like to shop at Denninger's but I haven't shopped there in months. Seriously. I wouldn't have wasted my time buying nice stuff there before I had the fridge and that was delivered three weeks ago. I was able to tell him where and what we had for dinner every night for the last three weeks and Denninger's was not on the list.

I realized he was being a crusty cunt and I decided to ignore him and I flirted with the bartender (who had obviously started working out).

We went to another bar and D started to sigh about how long I was taking. Christ, that man is not happy until he's criticizing someone. I need a vacation from him. He started to tell me about how I should fix my car. I reminded him I had back taxes too. Then he complained that I didn't do his taxes right (liar). I told him to go to H and R Block because I was tired of his complaining. Then he was sighing because I didn't drink my beer fast enough. I told him to go home and I'd be along in a while.

He left. Then I did ten minutes later. I met some guy on the way home who wanted to pay me to tie him up and fuck him like a bitch. It was a bit too involved but we reached a compromise and I let him suck my dick in the alley, for free.

I'm serious. I need a break from D. He refuses counseling and I can't stand to be stuck with him anymore.

If you can't read,

you shouldn't be allowed to drive. Some buttplug has parked in my spot despite the signs that clearly say private parking. Although I resolved to enjoy the weekend and stop thinking about D being a jerk. I decided to be an ass and call the city to have the guy ticketed. I know it's a guest of someone in the building and I think I know who. But I can't be bothered to go knocking on doors saying "um, excuse me, I think you might be parked in my spot." Besides, it feels good to be an ass sometimes.

Otherwise It's a good weekend and my cat is one year old today. No, I didn't bake a cake and I'm not jumping from behind the wall to yell "surprise!"

I have myself to blame (Part II)

After Wednesdays “misunderstanding” things got back to normal. D pretended like nothing ever happened and I was supposed accept it.

The week was pretty uneventful and I made it to Friday feeling a bit more rested than normal thanks to the extra sleep. So I prepared my stuff for my night shift, loaded my car and headed off for my day job at the bank.

D called to say he’d need a ride. I knew he would but didn’t talk about it with him because he usually takes my car home Friday night after I start my shift. I told him he could take my car as usual for Fridays. Everything seemed ok.

I had a pretty good day at work. Good for me because I finally signed off on my lending authorities. It might not sound like a big deal but in a way it is because I’ve been working at the same job for three years without having any lending authority. The authorities for my job are unlike any other in the bank (until now and there will soon be dozens with the same skillset, but I’m amongst the first few in Canada) and allow me to lend to personal clients, business clients, professionals, self-employed clients and self employed clients who have conjunctive borrowings through their business. Being able to do all in one is exciting (if you’re a banker) and I’m glad my work has finally paid off.

After work I drove to the set and D was wrapping up. I told him that I finally signed off on my lending authorities. He said “Oh?” and that was about it. I emphasized that I had wanted to lend in my capacity since I took my job three years ago and I was happy it finally happened. He said that was good and on he went with his work. I was honestly expecting as much from him so he didn’t really let me down.

Then he said “Oh ya, UPS keeps calling telling you to pick up your birth certificate. Today’s the last day. You only have five days to pick it up.” Before I go in with the story, I want to say this means several things to me:

• UPS called and left a message.
• UPS called and left at least one reminder message.
• D knew for up to 5 days that I had to pick up a package and omitted to mention it.
• It was now too late to do anything.

My health card lapsed because I did not get a notice in the mail. I actually had no idea it would lapse. I need my birth certificate to replace it because it’s past the deadline. I had to get my lawyer to sign some form that he’d known me for 16 years and I had fill the rest out and wait. It's been a few months now since I sent it in.

My condition has taken a bit of a turn for the worse recently. I have Ulcerative Colitis which is very hard to live with and for anyone who hasn’t heard of UC let me just summarize it as having to go to the washroom on a minute’s notice, going to the washroom up to 8 times a day or more and chronic blood loss. Minor irritants include swollen joints, dizziness, fever and mouth sores. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. One of my coping strategies is to starve myself a day in advance of an outing followed by a dose of codeine the next day. It’s the only way I was able to make it out camping last weekend.

So I need to see a doctor soon because the only medication that really helps is steroids and my prescription is almost out. I’ve done my best to make it last but I’m down to a matter of days. My condition is aggravated by stress so you can imagine what the last 2 months working 2 jobs and driving D to work every day has done to me.

I asked D why he didn’t tell me there was a message. He said “because it’s on the answering machine and I thought you’d get it.” Well, I would have done that if the message light flashed but that doesn’t happen after the message is listened to. Besides, if someone leaves a message for D, I tell him or leave a note so he knows it’s there. I was thinking he might do the same for me. Was that so dumb? Especially when I was expecting my birth certificate to come by mail? How was I to know that they would 1, use a courier and 2, the courier wouldn’t leave a package or a note saying they had been by?

I was naturally pissed so I said “Thanks, now I have to wait who knows how long and my medication will run out for sure.” And D said “It’s not my fault you don’t check messages.”

Well, maybe a person ought to check their voicemail daily just in case. But no one leaves me voicemail at home because I carry a cell phone. D knew about at least 2 messages. He knew there was a deadline to pick up my package. He must have been able to figure out after the second message that I was unaware that a package was waiting for me. But he did nothing until about, oh, 7:10 pm Friday which is just 10 minutes after the depot closes. Stupid fuckface.

He felt bad but wouldn’t apologize. He tried to compensate by making sure I knew where everything was before he left. He asked if I would be OK before he got in my car and if I needed anything else before he left. I said an apology would be nice but otherwise no, there wasn’t much he could do to get my mind off of how hellish life will be when the steroids run out. He took it personally and, leaving my car door open, set out to walk home. It’s about 20 kilometers. I didn’t stop him.

I have myself to blame (Part I)

for putting myself in this situation. But my relationship sucks at the moment and I have no one else to blame.

I drive D to work because he does not have a car. He doesn’t have a car because he hasn’t been able to save for one and he refuses to get a loan. So if I want him to work, I have to drive him. It’s a responsibility that has me up before 6 every day and not home in the evening until 8 at the earliest.

I work part time on the same production he works on. So besides the long days Monday to Friday, I work night shift Friday and Saturday. D also works part time on the same production (in a different job category) on weekends as well as full time through the week so he’s in seven days a week. So guess who chauffers his ass on weekends too?

I’m at the breaking point because I’m running myself into the ground. I have to argue with D to have the AC on in the condo so I can sleep comfortably at night. He’d rather save money. Last year I did the same thing (minus the part time night-shift work) and I lasted only six weeks before I lost my temper with him and gave him an ultimatum. I think I was less resilient because we didn’t have AC last year and I slept like crap every night.

Luckily, he was able to negotiate a production vehicle from work so I had the rest of the summer off as he drove himself. I had hoped he’d be able to do the same this year but it hasn’t worked out.

So last Tuesday I was happy to get a call from D saying he had a vehicle that day and I didn’t need to pick him up. That meant I didn’t have to get up early the next morning either so I was thrilled at the prospect of eight hours sleep. Wednesday, I didn’t hear from him and I thought he may need a ride so I drove to the production after I got off work and called him and left a message to let him know I was there to pick him up and to please call if he didn’t need a ride. A half hour later, no call from D and I called him again. A half hour later, no call from D and I tried to reach him a third time. Fifteen minutes later, he called and asked, rudely, what I wanted. I was taken back so I paused and by the time I started to speak he decided I had nothing important to say so he hung up on me.

I was furious so I drove home. If he was looking at the road in front of the production, D would have seen me doing 120 in a 70 zone. I think he saw me because after I flew by he called again. I gave him shit for not returning my call and hanging up on me. Then he said something stupid (can’t remember what it was) and again I was taken back. I paused and he hung up on me before I could gather my thoughts.

I got home and put my dinner on. I couldn’t decided if he was going to wait for me to finish dinner before I went to pick him up or if he was just going to have to call a cab.

He called finally, I told him he would be waiting for a ride. Then he told me “I don’t need a ride, I told you I have a truck until Thursday.” Lying fucker. He did not. I think I would have been very exited indeed if he had told me that because I would have realized I’d get lots of sleep for the next three nights. But that’s not what he said.

I told him I was pissed because I wasted my evening. He didn’t apologize and said it was my fault. I also told him I didn’t like the way he yelled at me on the phone and hung up on me. He said he was busy and that was too bad.

I started the evening feeling like a caring person who was mindful of D’s needs and I drove out of my way just in case he needed a ride. How did I end up being talked to like I was stupid? Why do I bother getting upset when I know an apology would smooth things over but I’ll never hear one. Why do I still drive his ass to work?

Diseases of Yore

I took a road trip to Montreal once with some friends. It was winter and there was a blizzard so some of us packed blankets just in case. One of them was extremely old and musty. We thought it looked like it had been in someones family for generations and had probably kept someone warm as they succumbed to consumption. We called it the consumption blanket.

Why did diseases have suck stupid names in the old days? If my doctor told me I had consumption, dropsy or yellow john, I'd ask for a second opinion before he prescribed a blood letting.

Anyhow, we sat under the consumption blanket and snacked on coctail weiners. We arrived in Montreal safe and sound and no one cought any strange disease from the blanket.

Dog Cock

is the most common search that brings people to my blog. I'm not sure why anyone would search for that and I'm sure they're disappointed when they learn I never actually wrote anything about dog cock. In fact, with the exception of the guy who's hung like a burrito and the occasional mention of what others have done to my own dick, I rarely write about any cock at all.

Colin Farrell Uncut is the second most popular search that leads to my blog. I wrote about it once when I rented a move that was supposed to show some full frontal Colin. Sadly, I was left unsatisfied. Today, it's the most common search that leads here because someone is threatening to release a video of Colin fucking. I have to see it. Even if he's doing it with a woman. I know I've said in the past that god doesn't often answer prayers but I think for once he's finally been listening to me. Hallelujah!

I thought I'd seen it all

after I met a man with three balls. Then I met a man with four.

It's Here!

I finally have my fridge and I'm relieved. I can't wait to fill it with refreshments. I think I'll splurge and buy a baking soda caddy to celebrate.

Top Dog: Doing the Victory Dance

I'm ashamed to admit that I still do not have a fridge. Flatlinegirl was at my place last weekend (she brought me some lovely party themed coasters as a gift, I love them). She was the first person I've had over and I couldn't even offer her crushed ice.

I realized over the weekend that I was getting screwed. I'm not slow or anything. I'm just incredibly patient and I'll let things play out as they need to. Some rep named Shanty from HBC's escalation team called to discuss compensation for my late deliveries. I had asked for a call from her department one month before and I asked again one week before. I thought for sure I was finally going to get some satisfaction.

I told her what I wanted; my deferred payments extended, bonus HBC points and some amount of cash as she felt appropriate for someone who had just been fucked over the way I was. I wouldn't say how much cash. I decided to play it like a job interview and let the other person make the first offer. She couldn't tell me right away and promised to call back in an hour and let me know.

An hour later there was no call so I left a message. She returned it seconds later (my phone didn't ring, I think she was playing tricks with her phone features) and she told me my fridge in stock and coming on the 9th. I was stunned that it was in stock and I had to wait. I was also angered that she made no mention of compensation whatsoever.

So I got mean.....gggggrrrrrr

I wrote an email to Scott Urquhardt from CHTV and I detailed every screw up HBC had made on my order up to and including my last call with Shanty. I named a couple of snotty little fuckers in that call center who screwed up including a supervisor Roberta. I really had it in for her. My letter was six pages long (single spaced).

Before I sent it, I CC'd every executive at HBC that I could find. Thanks to a friend I had about ten of them including the CEO and the National Director of Contact Centre Services. I pressed the send button at 8:30 am Monday morning.

At 10:45 my phone rang. Dan was calling to make arrangements for delivery. I asked if he had seen my email. He said yes.

I learned that Shanty lied. My fridge was not in stock at all. But Dan was going to coordinate a delivery direct from the manufacturer and I could have it by Thursday. I put my foot down and said I would not accept delivery until we agreed on compensation. I balked at his first offer (50% off on the fridge). He agreed to extend my deferred payments, I got almost 4 million bonus HBC points (I have over 17 million now) and...the best part....my fridge is free! Yes free! Manufacturer's suggested retail price: $2400. Price for Top Dog: $0.

It's my sincerest wish that Shanty has been suspended and Roberta has been terminated.

If anyone wants the original text of my email, let me know. I'd still like to publicize how incompetent the staff at HBC can be.

Rubber Glove Seduction

When I was a student at Mac, I used to hitch rides home from Hamilton. Both for the practical reasons (saving bus fare, not having to wait for busses, faster trip)and because my dick told me to.

I'm not sure how it happened the first time. I think some guy just offered me a ride and next thing I knew my seat was reclined, my fly was undone and some macho queen was swallowing my load.

I let this one guy pick me up who wanted to jerk me off but only if he wore latex gloves. He actually traveled with a box of gloves and a tube of KY. I hoped that after a couple of sessions he'd relax and use his bare hands (or his mouth) but after our third encounter I realized he was terrified of disease and/or had a strange fetish.

There was another guy who wore gloves all the time while he cruised at Dundurn Park. But he wasn't into disposable latex. He preferred yellow garden gloves. We thought they must be his wife's because they had little plastic flowers around the cuff. We called him garden glove man. I never saw him get lucky.