What's my secret

to staying slim? Simple, it's called Ulcerative Colitis!

I weighed myself this morning and was shocked to see I'd dropped to 155 pounds. That's my thinest ever, it's 20 to 25 pounds off my average and 50 pounds off my heaviest. No wonder my pants have been falling off me.

At work Thursday I got a fever with chills (which can happen with UC) and the only way I could warm up was to sit in my car that had been parked in the sun. I had to sit there for 20 minutes to warm up. I could barely go back in to finish my shift and I was so glad I only had stay for another half hour before I got to go home.

I had a horrible night as I was up at least 10 to 12 times to go the the washroom. Once I had to go three times in fifteen minutes. By the time I got up in the morning I knew another day at work would be impossible so I called in sick.

It turned out to be my lucky day because I got a call from Purolator saying my birth certificate had arrived and I could pick it up at their depot. I used up the last of my steroid prescription so I could make the trip and waited a couple of hours for it to kick in. After I got my birth certificate, I went to the OHIP office and got my health card replaced. By then it was too late to see my doctor but I went to the Westdale walk-in-clinic and asked for more medication. The doctor had a great manner and gave me 5 times more than I probably needed without any questions asked. I was so relieved I could have cried.

Then my asshole boyfriend called and told me he couldn't cover my shift (for my part time security job) and not only that....I was already late for work. Every Friday I start at seven but yesterday they needed me at five. I asked what he would have done if I had worked at the bank today and couldn't get there before seven. He said he would have replaced me. I was furious. He can't replace me when I feel like I'm on my death bed but he can threaten to cut a shift if I can't be in two places at once.

I gave him shit. First, we agreed at the beginning of the season that I would always start at seven so if he needed me earlier then it was his tough luck. Second, he had a bit of attitide and I gave it back to him. He needed my car to work on another production last night so if he wanted to borrow it instead of walking home he had to hear me out. And he did.

So, anyhow, I'm at home today and probably not going out (except to get my prescription filled). I'm hoping that I can rest up this weekend and be effective at the bank Monday instead of spending half the day in the washroom.

Men in Pink

I was shopping at Limeridge last week and I saw some men's pink dress socks merchandised next to some pink dress shirts. How gay! I mean that in the eighties sense of the word. I just don't understand how ugly clothing of any sort ever becomes a trend.

If I close my eyes and think real hard I can imagine a guy looking good in pink and there are some guys who can wear anything. But I think most men can't pull it off.

In the eighties, they used to say a if a guy was able to wear pink it meant he was comfortable with his masculinity. But the guys I see wearing pink (including a little swish at work with a pink aviator scarf) look more comfortable with the idea that they have no masculinity whatsoever.

While Showering

I got tea tree shampoo in my eyes and now they feel minty.

I swear

I didn't do it on purpose. With all my ranting you'd think I could strangle D this week. But I got back at him and it was by complete accident!

First, I was being Molly Maid over the weekend and I did laundry Saturday. D always says he cleans his pockets so I didn't bother to check them that day. And I washed his text pager for work. I felt bad and I didn't apologize. I was surprised, he didn't mind too much because he thought it was lost. He's handing it back to the production for a new one in exchange.

Then, tonight, I told him I wasn't feeling well and I asked if he would pick up something for dinner. We agreed on My Thai and he asked me to order. When he got there he had to call because they had no idea why he was there and there no orders for pick up. If I know D he would have been making a little scene out of it because he was sure someone there made a mistake.

Then I realized, I'd called Thai Tamarind around the corner and not My Thai. D felt like an ass. I did apologize for that but I couldn't stop laughing at how mad he was. He was still blushing when he got home!

Really, it was an accident.

Corn Relish

Sure, it may be great on hotdogs and it might look like orange marmalade sitting there in your fridge door. But it's just not good on toast with a cup of tea.

I

I’m 37 years old.

I’m gay.

I have a sick (sometimes cruel) sense of humour.

I can speak German and Japanese with moderate fluency.

I’m a good cook but I don’t often get a chance to show off.

I have an adorable cat.

I have trouble speaking up and saying what I want.

I don't like to take shit from anyone.

I have a near-photographic memory some times and a near-pornographic imagination the rest of the time.

I like my job, most days.

I’d like to have more free time to waste doing absolutely nothing but following my nose.

I have a degenerative autoimmune disorder that eats away at my insides and makes life difficult on good days.

Two days short of my 21st birthday I lost a very close girlfriend in an accident. I was lucky to live through it myself. That kind of thing is life changing.

I briefly abused alcohol until I realized it wasn’t doing much more than numbing me from the things I couldn’t bring myself to deal with. I don’t think I was a full fledged alcoholic or anything but it was an unproductive time in my life.

I know life could be worse.

I’m strongly right brained.

I have a boyfriend who pisses me off but I’d still do anything for him.

I’d probably give most people the shirt off my back for that matter.

I let other people walk over me sometimes.

I like masculine men (not gym bunnies, drag queens or twinks).

I have a weakness for handsome men with body and facial hair.

I like getting blowjobs from those men.

I’m a top. It’s more than a position. It’s an attitude.

I’ve worn leather and accessorized with whips, handcuffs and cockrings.

I’ve woken up handcuffed to a drag queen while wearing the above outfit.

I’ve woken up to find artificial nails and glitter in my underwear.

I fucked a girlfriend on the hood of her father’s car in a public parking lot.

I fucked an anonymous man in a public washroom.

I think empathizing with other people, no matter what you think of them, is the best way to learn about life.

I want to father children with a lesbian/couple and help raise them.

I think this was a good exercise and I just might do it again.